The Virtues of Manhood
And our fatherhood crisis
If you’re someone who works hard at being a good dad, you deserve to be celebrated. In a nation where devoted fathers are quickly becoming obsolete, we appreciate you - and we need you now more than ever. So thank you!
My own father was a first generation working class American who worked in a factory when I was younger. I vividly remember watching from our third floor apartment as he’d walk several blocks to take the bus to work in the morning. We didn’t have a car until I was 10, so we either walked everywhere, took the bus (AKA the “Green Limousine”), or on rare occasions, a taxi.
As exhausted as my dad was, he would make time to play with me. That’s what fathers do, at least the honorable ones.
We lived in an apartment (pictured above). My clothes were typically either homemade; or purchased from church rummage sales or the five-and-dime. This didn’t change until my mom went to work and we were able to afford nicer things. Not quite Mademoiselle Chanel, but you get the picture. : )
Yet my working class parents managed to send me to parochial schools, K-12. Because securing a solid education for their daughter was a priority. (Thanks, mom and dad!)
I wasn’t an anomaly, either. The strong work ethic, faith-based neighborhood I grew up in was quite common back in the day. Conversely, being from a broken or chaotic home was a rarity. The few kids who did come from troubled homes tragically had issues with drugs and alcohol later in life.
What we didn’t have in material goods was compensated by things like Church participation, a solid family structure, discipline, academic rigor, genuine friendships, a love for books, and the belief that if you work hard enough, you can achieve.
The result was a mostly crime-free neighborhood comprised of mostly care-free kids. We spent our free time playing, creating, and imagining, instead of having our brain chemistry changed by a phone screen.
Flashforward to Present Day
These values helped us become productive human beings, and they served as the foundation for a nation built on exceptionalism. Yet today, some people mimic these values, as if they’re somehow foolish or outdated. How odd to me. How could the things that every human being needs to thrive ever be outdated?
These same people mistakenly think that the government can replace a devoted mother and father. The truth is, there are no social programs, policies, or amounts of money that can ever replace the type of love, belonging, security, and protectiveness that a mother and father can offer.
Fathers and mothers (of all ethnicities & social statuses) are missing in action today. And it’s a trend that’s having devastating effects on our society, which I covered in a previous post.
Travis Yates published an excellent article this morning about the importance of fathers. He writes, in part:
The National Center for Fathering lists these sobering statistics:
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (U.S. Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.
90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.
85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)
80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol. 14, p. 403-26)
This is not sustainable.
Manhood Is in Crisis
Fatherhood is in peril in part, because as a group, men have been demoralized.
As Senator Josh Hawley explains in his new book Manhood,
Not trying is becoming a theme for young men when it comes to education. More of them are choosing to drop out of college or forgo it entirely . . .
What are these young men doing with their time? . . ." “By far the biggest difference between the daily schedules” of men not in the labor force and those who are is the time spent in what researchers label “socializing, relaxing, and leisure.” Sitting around, in other words.”
Perhaps not surprisingly, these same young men are often battling depression . . or drug abuse, both of which are at historic levels. The number of men -of all ages- committing suicide in America leapt by more than 25 percent between 1999 and 2017.”
The same afflictions that followed the students I knew also beset men who are fully adults, far past college age. Older men, too, are working less than ever before, spending more time in front of screens than ever before, taking more drugs, leaving their families or failing to form them, and dying by suicide at alarming rates.
It’s tough-to-impossible to be a good father when your own quality of life is in disarray.
It’s not one particular issue that’s contributing to this decline, and it’s not something that materialized overnight; it took us decades to get to this broken place in time.
The abandonment of values that have made us strong -faith in God, strong work ethic, a solid family structure, and such- have indeed, played a huge role.
There are other contributors, however; one of these is the government. More notably, our nation was sold out decades ago to the highest bidders; when our jobs were transferred overseas to pad the bottom line of a select few, breadwinners had access to fewer gainful employment opportunities. It’s tough to support a family on a job that pays substandard wages and offers no meaningful retirement plan.
It has also become difficult for many young people to buy a home, which is a large wealth generator for most Americans. Most Americans are also struggling with debt. Financial stress adds a new dimension of worry to households that are already struggling.
It has also become in vogue in some circles to demoralize men. For example, making references like “old, Christian men.” Or weaponizing the very real trauma of sexual abuse to the point that men won’t date for fear of being accused of malfeasance.
The Hope
None of these factors, however, are an excuse not to be a devoted father. Every generation has had its struggles and challenges (think the Great Depression and World War II), yet have managed to overcome. The onus for changing our current trajectory ultimately rests on each of us - not on a government or nonprofit.
There are men amongst us facing these very same challenges, yet they manage to step up to the plate. They make sacrifices, set clear priorities, and put the welfare of their children first. I’ve talked to and have read about them - so I know it can be done. Even in this environment.
And it’s why I agree with Lacey Nagao when she says this:
“Happy Father’s Day to the men who stand up unapologetically for women and children, are the constant providers, protectors, and faithful leaders in their home.
Y’all are the REAL men of the world and you are not celebrated enough.”
I’m also blessed to know patriotic-minded women who understand the severity of our situation and who work tirelessly (and behind the scenes) to effect positive change. There are more of us out there than you may think.
And I hope you can be one of them - because we need all hands on deck if we’re to be restored as a nation of exceptionalism. We can’t afford to be spectators as things crumble around us.
Because I want what I know most of you want: a country where every man and women can experience greatness and reach their full potential. It’s not going to happen if we’re stuck in this state.
Before I sign off, have you had a chance to see the new video (above) I created in partnership with Independent Women’s Network? It’s the first in a new series being developed. I’d love to know your thoughts.
Happy Father’s Day. I wish all of you the best. : )
For the Blue is a solutions-based initiative. I’m just an American patriot asking questions. I don’t work with any political party and I answer to nobody. For me, the health of the nation, due process (including for police officers), the rule of law, and respect for individual liberties, will always transcend party affiliation. I welcome your thoughts, even if you disagree; though personal attacks will be ignored. You can reach me at fortheblue@substack.com.